Autistic burnout is REAL and SERIOUS

I've seen a lot of posts lately about autistic burnout. It's a sign that I'm nearly out of it myself that I feel able to write this piece.

I didn't want my story ending "and then she burned out."

I think I started severely burning out around the time of my 40th birthday, I just turned 45 so that's a while ago. Actually it started long before that.

I'm literally the stereotypical "burned out gifted child"

(Gifted child is pretty much an autistic profile - sorry to break it to you if like me you were unaware of that)

Before I go on, when I say "autistic" what I am writing applies equally or possibly more so to people with ADHD (I don't like describing myself as disordered so I will stick with "autistic")

So one day I woke up crying after a particularly stressful and busy period with work. I was essentially working every hour that I was not sleeping or eating as I was trying to catch up, earn enough money, keep 200 cliehts happy as an accountant alongside teaching 25 fitness classes per week (ones I had to join in)

I just couldn't do it anymore I was broken. I knew I had burnout then the universe whispered in my ear "it's autistic burnout, you have the autism"

(It would be another 2 years before I got diagnosed, the uncertainty adding to my stress)

People used to say to me "I don't know how you do it"

Easy, I could do it as my autism enables me to push my body past its limit. This has been trained into me over the years as I always had to work harder than everyone else to just keep up at things. When I had a full time job I would hit my targets by taking work home so I could do it without pressure, same at school - I could concentrate better at home away from the lights and noise.

Obviously this lead to great results so it became a way of life.

Until the day I realised it was literally killing me. I'm not stupid. Burnout is a warning, you ignore that and the next thing you get is a life threatening illness. You cannot burn the candle at both ends forever.

I cut down but still I did not stop, I muddled on getting less and less effective and much slower needing stupid (I felt) amounts of rest

I used to be a high achiever so naturally when I was diagnosed with "high functioning autism" I was kind of proud. Look at me highly functioning I thought, I am a super autistic how lucky I am not disabled like the others

When I got diagnosed with adhd a year later (on lockdown via zoom) I was delighted. Brilliant, now I can get prescription amphetamines so I can push myself even harder, I laughed.

Lockdown fucked up my life but it actually probably saved it. I was stuck at home, I lost work, I got more stressed and all the prescription speed in the world wasn't going to help me this time

I cut my work down, I cut it down again and still my body would not cooperate. I was injured, struggling to walk and permanently exhausted

I went from high functioning autism to non high functioning autism. I had disabled myself. I had pushed it too far, lost all those hard won skills and I was back to my original self - my original disabled self that struggled with the most basic of physical skills

I spent months in bed. I lost my fitness, I lost classes I took years to build up, I lost every penny I ever earned and more besides. I lost my confidence but at least I did not lose my life.

I changed my name to lose my old "hardcore" reputation and started my life all over again with my health as a priority, as a fat, middle aged yoga and Pilates teacher

I received no professional help because of that "high functioning" thing. I had convinced everyone I was fine on my own.

Sadly autistic people on average don't live as long as NTs - I think you can see why

So I am proud of myself for staging the come back of all time and getting busy again but I must build up slowly again. I used up all my warnings.

Your burned out friend you've not heard from in a while - the one that copes SO WELL. They need you to care, it could save their life.